Reclaiming Self and the Story of the Scorpion and the Frog

Now that Baby Alaya is over three months old (Week 14 today, in fact), her routine is a little more predictable. This means I am steadily reclaiming my former life: personal practices, writing, working out and of course, martial arts training. Dharma Bums, perhaps my favourite ethical brand in activewear, had a massive sale. To facilitate my little post-natal workouts, I bought sports bras and workout shorts in larger sizes to accommodate my new body. (A post-natal body is something to celebrate and honour. I appreciate how my body has done an amazing job this past year to bring a healthy baby to life, over a fifty hour labour no less - and she's continuing to work hard in creating milk for Alaya and keeping my healthy.) Meditation was one of the first things to go during late pregnancy (I'd fall asleep from fatigue) and into Golden Month (absolutely zero time with a screaming newborn!) Slowly, this important practice of stilling the mind is returning.

I've returned to writing a few times a week; life-writing this time. I'm also practising karate and nei chia whenever I can. Both these vehicles gift me with relief and empowerment. I can breathe again; I'm still me.

And Alaya is still a baby. This means she will still cry to communicate, whether she's hungry or overtired or needs a nappy change. It's her intrinsic nature, and will continue to be until she can talk a little more. This reminds me of an old Zen story, the Scorpion and the Frog:

A Scorpion wanted to cross a river when he spotted a frog swim up to the river bank.

"Hey Frog," he said, "can you please carry me to the other side?"

The frog narrowed his eyes. "No, you'd only sting me."

"I won't. Promise."

The frog sighed and turned around for the scorpion to step onto his back. He carefully swam across the river when the scorpion stung him, killing the frog and ultimately, drowning himself.

The scorpion is not to blame: he was only doing what was in his nature.

In doing what is in my nature, I return to a formal karate class tonight, with my friends at the Yarrambat dojo. I am looking forward to it, but I am keen to return to Wu Lin with baby in tow (or the Hug-A-Bug, as it may be).